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Friends Season 1 Episode 9
General Information Subtitles 1 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:11,338 Terry, I know I haven't worked here very long but would it be possible...n 2 00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,639 ...if I got a $1 00 advance on my salary? 3 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,513 An advance? 4 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,652 So I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. 5 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:23,984 Every year we ski in Vail, and my father pays for my ticket. 6 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:27,217 But I've started this independent thing... 7 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,488 ...which is actually why I took this "job. " 8 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,932 Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart! 9 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,229 You' re a terrible, terrible waitress. 10 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:41,566 Really, really awful. 11 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:46,274 I hear what you're saying. I'm with you. 12 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:52,549 But I'm trying really hard, and I think I'm doing better. 13 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,983 I really do. 14 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,215 -Does anybody need coffee? -Yeah, over here. 15 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:02,855 Look at that. 16 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,259 The One Where Underdog Gets Away 17 00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:55,140 Excuse me, sir? Hi. You come in here all the time. 18 00:01:55,349 --> 00:02:00,685 Do you think there's a possibility that you could advance me my tips? 19 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:07,158 Okay, okay. That's fine. Fine. Sorry about that spill before! 20 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,387 Only 98.50 to go! 21 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:16,532 Did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving? 22 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:20,730 -What? No, they're not. -Yes, the Blymans invited them. 23 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,533 You' re wrong. 24 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:26,608 -I am not wrong. -You' re wrong. 25 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,911 No, I just talked to them. 26 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,609 I' m calling Mom. 27 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,287 -Hey, hey. -Hey! 28 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:45,731 And this from the Cry for Help Department: Are you wearing makeup? 29 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:53,130 Yes, I am. As of today, I'm officially Joey T ribbiani, actor/model. 30 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:58,937 That's funny. I was thinking you look more like, Joey T ribbiani, man/woman. 31 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:03,915 -What were you modeling for? -Posters for the free clinic. 32 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:07,679 So you' re gonna be one of those healthy guys? 33 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,915 -The asthma guy's really cute. -Know which one you'll be? 34 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:16,222 No, but I hear Lyme disease is open, so you know.... 35 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:19,888 -Good luck, man. I hope you get it. -Thanks. 36 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:27,664 You were right. How can they do this? It's Thanksgiving! 37 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:32,403 What if I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's. 38 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,878 Will you make mashed potatoes with the lumps? 39 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:41,080 They're not actually supposed to I'll work on the lumps. 40 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,823 -Joey, you' re going home? -Yeah. 41 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:48,461 Chandler, you' re still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays? 42 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:53,532 -Every single one of them. -Phoebe, you'll be with your grandma? 43 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,099 And her boyfriend. 44 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:59,671 We're celebrating Thanksgiving in December because he's lunar. 45 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:06,041 So you're free Thursday then? 46 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,613 -Yeah. Oh, can I come? -Yeah. 47 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:15,518 -Rach, are you gonna make it to Vail? -Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. 48 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:19,352 -Only $1 02 to go. -I thought it was 98. 50? 49 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,360 Yeah, well, it was, but l I broke a cup, so.... 50 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:28,264 -Well, l' m off to Carol's. -Ooh, ooh, why don't we invite her? 51 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:33,796 Ooh, ooh, because she's my ex-wife and will want to bring her... 52 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:36,806 ...ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner. 53 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,880 Hi. Is Carol here? 54 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:53,583 -No, she's at a faculty meeting. -I just came by to pick up my skull. 55 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,957 Well, not mine, but.... 56 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,294 -Come in. -Thanks. 57 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,698 Carol borrowed it, and I have to get it back to the museum. 58 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:08,807 -What's it look like? -Kind of like a big face without skin. 59 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:14,046 Yes. I'm familiar with the concept. 60 00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:16,808 -We can just look for it. -Okay. 61 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:27,358 Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian. 62 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:34,494 Well, you know, you have to take a course. 63 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:38,266 Otherwise they don't let you do it. 64 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:49,579 Hey, Yertle the Turtle! A classic. 65 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,583 Actually, I'm reading it to the baby. 66 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,849 The baby that hasn't been born yet? 67 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,152 Wouldn't that mean you're crazy? 68 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,329 You don't think they can hear sounds in there? 69 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,469 You' re not serious? I mean, you really talk to it? 70 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:15,634 Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice. 71 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:22,948 Well, that's just Do you talk about me? 72 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,947 -Yeah. All the time. -Really? 73 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:32,649 But, we just refer to you as " Bobo the Sperm Guy. " 74 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:48,339 If she's talking to it, I just think I should get some belly time too. 75 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,510 Not that I believe this. 76 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:54,374 I believe it. I think the baby can hear everything. 77 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,482 -Really? -I'll show you. This'll seem weird. 78 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,812 But you put your head inside this turkey... 79 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:05,390 ...and we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say. 80 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:10,987 I'd just like to say I'm totally behind this experiment. 81 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:15,157 In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head. 82 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:21,068 -Hey. -Rach, did you make your money? 83 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:25,177 No, not even close. Forget Vail. Forget seeing my family. 84 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:29,008 Forget shoop, shoop, shoop. 85 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:36,155 -Rach, here's your mail. -Thanks. You can put it on the table. 86 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:40,019 No. Here's your mail! 87 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,787 Thanks. You can put it on the table! 88 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,125 Would you just open it! 89 00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:54,739 Oh, my God! You guys are great! 90 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:57,206 We all chipped in. 91 00:07:57,411 --> 00:08:00,073 -We did? -You owe me $20. 92 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,840 Thank you. Thank you so much! 93 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,952 Chandler, got your traditional holiday feast. T omato soup... 94 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:11,181 ...grilled-cheese fixings and a family-size bag of Funyuns. 95 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:16,920 This is your Thanksgiving dinner? What is it with you and this holiday? 96 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:21,262 -I'm 9 years old. -I hate this story! 97 00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:25,734 We've finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have... 98 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,100 ...a mouthful of pumpkin pie. 99 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:32,039 And then my parents tell me they're getting divorced. 100 00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:33,577 Oh, my God! 101 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:39,116 Very difficult to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse. 102 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,586 What's this? I never saw this at Mom's. 103 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,522 -It's a yam. -Hello.... 104 00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:54,662 This isn't a yam. Yam comes in purple cans. 105 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:58,267 They don't They don't come in these. 106 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:03,401 Ross, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but back off. 107 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,588 Hi. 108 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,456 -We used to work together. -We did? 109 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:26,224 Yeah, at Macy's. You' re the Obsession girl, right? 110 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,425 -Yes. -I was the Aramis guy. 111 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:35,341 -Aramis. Aramis. Aramis. -Yeah, right! 112 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,643 -You' re the best in the business. -Get out. 113 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:44,874 You' re amazing! You know when to spritz. You know when to lay back. 114 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,953 Really? You don't know what that means to me. 115 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:55,690 You smell great tonight. What are you wearing? 116 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,454 Nothing. 117 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:12,135 -Listen, do you wanna go get a drink? -Yeah, that would be 118 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,975 -What's wrong? -I have to do something. 119 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,583 What? 120 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,788 -Leave. -Wait, wait, wait! 121 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,564 So I guess you all saw it. 122 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,101 -What? -Saw what? 123 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:16,037 No, we' re just laughing. You know how laughter can be infectious. 124 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:39,992 Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD. 125 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:44,197 "T onight, on a very special Blossom. " 126 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,974 Looking good! Okay! 127 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:58,948 Cider's mulling, turkey's turkeying, yams are yamming.... 128 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,819 What? 129 00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:05,788 I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen. 130 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,358 Get out and stop annoying me! 131 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,393 Oh, that's closer. 132 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,595 I got the tickets! 133 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,896 Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop! 134 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:22,599 -Oh, you must stop shooping. -Okay, l' m gonna get my stuff. 135 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,333 Will you come in? 136 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:28,776 I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment. 137 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:32,509 Look out! Incoming pumpkin pie! 138 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:43,523 We laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny. 139 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:48,498 Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any T ator T ots. 140 00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:53,298 -That's not a question. -My mom makes them. It's a tradition. 141 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:58,809 You get a piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce and a T ot! 142 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:05,610 I mean, it's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease. 143 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,318 All right. Fine. 144 00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:14,427 Tonight's potatoes will be mashed, with lumps and in the form of Tots. 145 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,829 All right, I'm off to talk to my unborn child. 146 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,700 Okay, Mom never hit. 147 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,936 Okay, all done. 148 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:35,137 Phoebe, did you whip the pota? Ross needs lumps! 149 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,043 Oh, l' m sorry! I just 150 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:42,483 I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions. 151 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,054 Why do that? 152 00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:49,422 Because then they'd be just like my mom used to make it, before she died. 153 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:54,999 Okay. Three kinds of potatoes coming up. 154 00:13:56,303 --> 00:14:00,069 Okay. Goodbye, you guys! Thanks for everything! 155 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:04,334 Oh, God, look at Sorry! I'm so sorry. 156 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:09,413 An unbelievable thing happened! Underdog got away! 157 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:14,178 -The balloon? -No, no, the actual cartoon character. 158 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:17,384 Of course the balloon! 159 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:22,358 He broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. 160 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:26,191 -I'm going to the roof. Who's with me? -I can't! 161 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:30,426 An 80-foot dog over the city? How often does that happen? 162 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:31,968 Almost never. 163 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,664 -Got the keys? -Okay. 164 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,710 Anytime you' re ready. 165 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,408 Okay. Okay, here we go. 166 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:54,523 Okay. Where am I talking to here? 167 00:14:55,428 --> 00:15:00,263 There is one way that offers a certain acoustical advantage, but.... 168 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,466 Just aim for the bump. 169 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,335 Okay. 170 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:09,569 Okay. Okay. Okay, here goes. 171 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,716 You know, I can't do this. This is 172 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:23,856 It's too weird. I feel stupid. 173 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:28,653 It's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it. 174 00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:32,764 Hello, baby. Hello. Hello. 175 00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,694 the moment we first saw the dog shadow fall over the park! 176 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:41,897 But did they have to shoot him down? That was just mean. 177 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:46,534 Right now the turkey should be crispy on the outside... 178 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,044 ...and juicy on the inside. 179 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,313 Why are we standing here? 180 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:55,545 We're waiting for you to open the door. You have the keys. 181 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,313 No, I don't. 182 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,955 Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "Got the keys. " 183 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:06,861 No, I didn't. I asked, "Got the keys? " 184 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:10,761 No, no, no. You said, "Got the keys! " 185 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:14,270 Do either of you have the keys? 186 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,076 -The oven is on! -I've gotta get my ticket! 187 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:21,304 -Wait! We have a copy of your key. -Get it! 188 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,449 That tone won't make me go any faster. 189 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,881 -Joey. -That one will. 190 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:34,492 And everyone's telling me, "You gotta pick a major. " 191 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:39,290 So on a dare, I picked paleontology. 192 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:44,937 And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, face it, you' re a fetus. 193 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,399 You're happy you don't have gills anymore. 194 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,670 You don't have to talk to it. You can sing 195 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,543 Please. I am not singing to your stomach, okay? 196 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,952 How's it going? 197 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,916 Here we come 198 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,352 Walking down the street 199 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:08,425 Get the funniest looks from Everyone we meet 200 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,289 Hey, hey 201 00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,933 -Hey, did you just feel that? -I did. 202 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,934 -Does it always? -That was the first. 203 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,198 IKeep singing! IKeep singing! 204 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,742 Hey, hey, you 're my baby And I can 't wait to meet you 205 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:30,439 When you come out I'll buy you a bagel Then we 'll go to the zoo 206 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,244 -lt did it again! -I felt it that time! 207 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:38,117 Hey, hey, I'm your daddy I'm the one without any breasts 208 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:46,288 This is great. It's 5:00. My plane is pulling away from the gate. 209 00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,935 -Maybe you can take a later flight. -There is none. 210 00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:53,867 -You can go tomorrow. -T omorrow is not Thanksgiving! 211 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,101 If l' m gonna cheer you up, you have to meet me halfway. 212 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,942 Can you go any faster? 213 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:05,275 I got one keyhole and a zillion keys! You do the math. 214 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:09,012 Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway? 215 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,622 For an emergency just like this. 216 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,019 All right. Listen, smirky! 217 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,959 If not for your stupid balloon, I'd be on a plane... 218 00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:22,931 ...watching a woman do this... right now. But l' m not! 219 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,101 You said you had the keys! 220 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:30,902 No, I didn't! I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys! 221 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:35,104 That's it! Enough with the keys. No one say keys! 222 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,913 Why would I have the keys?! 223 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,385 -Aside from the fact you said you did? -I didn't! 224 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:44,921 -You should've. -Why? 225 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,114 -Because! -Why? 226 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:51,093 Everything's my responsibility? Isn't it enough that l' m making dinner? 227 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:55,529 Everyone wants a different kind of potato, so I'm making them. 228 00:18:55,735 --> 00:19:00,695 Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? No! 229 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,738 No! No! 230 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:07,936 Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his T ots 231 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:12,244 It's my first Thanksgiving, and l 232 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,512 It's all burnt, and I can't.... 233 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:22,686 Monica, only dogs can hear you now. Look, the door's open. Here we go. 234 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,735 -All right, Chandler, don't lose this. -No 235 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:37,801 Well, the turkey's burnt! 236 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:42,277 Potatoes are ruined! Potatoes are ruined! Potatoes are ruined! 237 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,713 Here we come 238 00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:46,886 Walking down the 239 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,617 This doesn't smell like Mom's. 240 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:58,894 It doesn't, does it? You wanted lumps? Here you go, buddy. You got one! 241 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:04,531 -Don't yell at me. You burned dinner! -Hey, don't make her squeak again! 242 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:10,609 God, this is great! The plane is gone. I guess I'm stuck here with you guys. 243 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:14,906 We all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice! 244 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:20,279 Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious dinner? 245 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,649 -You call that delicious? -You be quiet! 246 00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:27,649 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 247 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,693 Now this feels like Thanksgiving. 248 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,498 Skiing. 249 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:43,231 Shoop, shoop, shoop.... 250 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,967 Shoop. 251 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,443 -Eww. -What? 252 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:52,584 Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. 253 00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,620 -Who cares? -He just sat in gravy. 254 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,518 Oh, my God! He's not alone. 255 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:07,495 Ugly Naked Guy is having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal. 256 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,433 I gotta see this! 257 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,133 All right, Ugly Naked Guy! 258 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:18,210 Ugly naked dancing! 259 00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,410 It's nice that he has someone. 260 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,183 Shall I carve? 261 00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,562 -By all means. -All right. 262 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:45,295 Who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese? 263 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:49,168 I don't even want to know about the dark cheese. 264 00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:51,935 -Does anybody wanna split this? -I will. 265 00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:55,546 -You guys have to make a wish. -Make a wish? 266 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,478 Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. 267 00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:06,285 You got the bigger half! What did you wish for? 268 00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,426 The bigger half. 269 00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:13,160 All right, I'd like to propose a toast. 270 00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:15,766 A little toast here. Ding, ding! 271 00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:18,664 This isn't the Thanksgiving you planned... 272 00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:22,830 ...but for me, this has been really great. 273 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:28,981 I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. 274 00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:34,647 If you'd gone to Vail or if you had been with your family... 275 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:38,381 ...or if you didn't have syphilis and stuff... 276 00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,995 ...we wouldn't be together. 277 00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,960 I guess what l' m trying to say is that... 278 00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:51,000 ... I' m very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked. 279 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:55,239 -That's so sweet! -Thank you. 280 00:22:57,210 --> 00:23:00,771 -Here's to a lousy Christmas! -And a crappy New Year! 281 00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,505 -Hear, hear! -Hear, hear!